W is for Weather

Come to Australia: "So where the bloody hell are you?" read the advertising slogans enticing you to endless sunny beaches, unforgettable sunsets... blah blah blah. So off I went, expecting all of the above and more.

There was a 30 year drought in Australia, people had been put on ultra water bans. Reseviours were running out of water, people had been refused the human right of washing ones car. I use the past tense because this was all the norm until I ARRIVED! It's ok people, not only will i bring you rain, i will bring you so much water it floods. The worst floods you've ever seen. And I will bring you wind!!! so much mother fucking wind it forms one of the biggest cyclones EVER!!!! HURRAHHH! 


If I hear one more person say "worst weather in living memory" or "coldest I've felt in years" I'll throw a boomerang at them. Moral of the story, don't buy into the dream. British people will never escape the rain...

V is for Vegemite

Sadly, Australians avidly believe that Vegemite is better than Marmite. They believe this with such passion and rigour that they regularly confront you with the 'vegemite vs marmite' argument. They evoke passionate and completely unrealistic views. Because, anybody with a brain and active taste buds know that Marmite is the best.

The argument that they are practically the same product (tasty, black, spreadable joy) is, without doubt, the stupidest thing anybody could ever say. 


Spot the difference...