I is for Ice Cream

Australians have a queer love affair with a particular ice cream. And you’ve got to be slightly worried when it goes by the name of ‘Golden Gaytime’. Motto: ‘It’s hard to have a Gaytime on your own!’… it certainly bloody is but I’m absolutely sure you can eat ice cream on your own you filthy buggers. You let your children eat Golden Gaytimes?



Dirty people. Nobody has used the word 'gay' to mean 'happy' since 1863 so what's your excuse?

H is for Huey

Huey:

"would you like another portion with your portion sir? how about a block of cheese, no? ok let me just breathe really heavily over the food I'm making you. Oooops i dropped it. Oh well, I'll just scoop it up with my fat sausage fingers and eat it myself. he he he"

Oh Huey. Australia's answer to Jamie Oliver. The perfect celebrity chef if it wasn't for the fact that he's fat and can't cook. He makes 'talentless' celebrities like Jordan and Britney Spears look positively gifted. Chuckling away, flirting with his pork chops, so wrong and so right all at the same time. He is pretty much the biggest celebrity I've come across in Australia so far.

G is for G'day

Devolution...


As these beefed up stick men demonstrate; Australians, wanting to separate themselves from The British have achieved a form of linguistic devolution. Curious.

F is for Fair Dinkum

I have been ashamed of British politics in recent weeks to say the least, to quote my own father “We have a new government headed up by what looks like a couple of public school poofters”.

But imagine how you’d feel if the opposition leader said shit like “I try to be fair dinkum with the Australian people” shame on you Tony Abbott and shame on you Australia for not throwing eggs at him.

This is a picture of Tony Abbott, a kind of hybrid of David Hasselhoff and Mr Bean. I think we might've struck gold here!

E is for Eggplant

Eggplant? In the rest of the world I’m pretty certain eggs are laid by hens. And if you cover an egg in soil and water it as if it were a seed, not much would happen. So I don’t know where the notion of an ‘eggplant’ has come from.


Perhaps, it would have been wiser to adopt the term 'aubergine'?

D is for Dinosaur

I'm 25 years old and currently sleep in a single bed. I have a lot of growing up to do. But for now I’m indulging in the best kids duvet sets my limited budget will buy. Feast your eyes on this:

That's my new cardboard boyfriend in bed there, his name's Tarquin. He's a little thinner than I'd like but he'll do for now.

C is for Criminals

Or ‘crims’ as my housemate Joe likes to call them. I am of course referring to Australia’s heritage. It’s become evident that the population hasn’t yet shed its thieving ways... There is a system of ‘rounding’ here to make up for the lack of 1 cent and 2 cent coins.


Rounding?!... Practically the same as robbing if you ask me.


I found this marvellous quote online: “Convict women were regarded as low-id, foul mouthed and having no morals” sounds a lot like the sort of women you find walking around St Kilda on a Saturday night. Although, I have to admit they’re probably all Irish. Eh he he!