B is for Beach

Obvious and soppy I know… BUT it’s the whole bloody reason us 'Poms' come out here in the first place. I wanted to go out and take a lovely photo of St Kilda beach for you but I’ve been wearing the same clothes for two days now, wrapped in a granny blanket sniffling away so I thought you might prefer a photo of that instead…



You don’t need to tell me how amazing our sofa is, more on that later in the alphabet…

So most, if not all of you may think The Beach is a place for relaxing, splashing in the sea, drinking a beer and getting sunburnt. Not in Australia. Basically, the beach is full of disgusting healthy people flexing their muscles and running around like it's some kind of outdoor gym. Unnnnbelievable. Time for me to get my jog on I think.

I'll get a beauty of the beach and a 70 year old bloke with a six pack jogging along it when my legs are capable of walking again.

A is for Abbreviation

Australians have a strange tendency to abbreviate or shorten about 80% of the English language. I struggled to understand at first, thinking that I was too old and uncool to know what the 'yout' was on about, here are some fine examples of what I was up against:

Mushies – Mushrooms, I have actually seen this used on the afore mentioned shit Australian TV

Arvo – Afternoon. Of course it’s far too gentlemanly and polite to use the full version.

OTB – Over The Bridge, a term used for people living on the North side of Sydney Harbour. What the fuck?

TBH – To Be Honest. Not to be confused with GBH… it’s a slippery slope.

WE – Weekend, a beautiful word, squandered.

Thingo – Thingamajig, which is actually in Word Spellchecker shockingly.

You’re stupid y’hear… stupid! It’s easier to say the full word than it is to put all that energy into working out what the abbreviation is. Like, OMG.

Roll up Roll up..

Hello All…

So admittedly, Ive been a total failure at this blogging business, but I'm back in the game now. I'm suffering the flu, and TV in Australia is shit, I’ve exhausted my households limited DVD supply, and crack is hard to come by here, so through utter desperation to entertain myself I’m writing to you, my adoring people.

But my oh my have I got a treat for you… I bring to you, my lovely little lovelies “Jo’s A-Z of Australia”. If any Australian takes offence to this you are stupid, and I look forward to a retaliation A-Z-off. Oh and please don’t mistake sarcasm for misery.

I offer you, in the coming weeks an insight into my Australia trip thus far in the form of an A-Z. Up until now Ozland has been testing me. I can see that it sees that I havn't lost my rag in a while and it's been trying to make me blow. But as the motto goes "Persistance beats Resistance" and it's beginning to pay off. Of course, in true shit-on-your-happy-parade form i'm now suffering a scathing flu, and it's the winter. It looks like a glorious grey British day out my window today. I'm doing that sarcastic smiley grimace face right now... The one you all know and love so well.

So here it is: My A-Z of Australia...

Enjoy.