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We have some rather riotous lesbians inhabiting the flat downstairs. Don’t go getting any romantic visuals of sexy young ladies, think more along the lines of Myra Hindley and what sounds like a female elephant. Fortunately, my bedroom isn’t above theirs, but my housemates is… let's just say they know how unsatisfied Myra must be. Ergh. That, coupled with a very loud Micheal Jackson megamix playing on repeat with accompanying dickhead friends who love playing the bongos on your average Tuesday night doesn't bode well for neighborly love.
Here is a highly conceptual piece: an origami elephant made out of Myra's face... unfortunately, you can't actually see ANY of her face, and this was my 1,000,567th attempt. I had to draw a line somewhere. I shall call it 'frustrating elephant'.
and so, here's another highly artistic piece of a red-eyed elephant sitting on Myra's face, looking like she's loving it. 
I shall call it 'Rwaaaaaahhhhhh!'
Koalas eat eucalyptus leaves, which have a certain appealing quality resulting in little fluffy balls of pure stoned joy. They literally live a teenagers dream. Here’s a Koala in it’s natural habitat looking shifty and paranoid, and like he's got the munchies... i wonder why.
Being English, I obviously get far too excited when I see a Kangaroo. I feel like I’m standing in an Australian postcard whenever I see one, and from nowhere Rolf Harris might saunter across the bush and wobble his wobbling board instrument thingy. However, Kangaroos are actually considered a pest here, as there are so many of them and they fuck up people’s cars when they get run over. And so, hunting and eating them is commonplace. That’s pretty much the equivalent of an Englishman hunting and eating rats.
Excuse me, Australians of London: you systematically failed to tell me a lot of things about Australia. Like, for example, that thongs are worn on the feet, how rubbish the telly is, that it rains and gets cold, of the mythical Drop Bear creature, that surfing isn't easy, that cheese is placed in two entirely different locations in the supermarket so as to confuse unsuspecting cheese loving foreigners, and... that there are lots of jellyfish in your crystal clear idyllic waters. If I'd wanted jellyfish with my beach I'd have gone to Wales thank you.
Looks a little bit like an abstract self portrait, i know.
Australians have a queer love affair with a particular ice cream. And you’ve got to be slightly worried when it goes by the name of ‘Golden Gaytime’. Motto: ‘It’s hard to have a Gaytime on your own!’… it certainly bloody is but I’m absolutely sure you can eat ice cream on your own you filthy buggers. You let your children eat Golden Gaytimes?
Dirty people. Nobody has used the word 'gay' to mean 'happy' since 1863 so what's your excuse?
Huey:
"would you like another portion with your portion sir? how about a block of cheese, no? ok let me just breathe really heavily over the food I'm making you. Oooops i dropped it. Oh well, I'll just scoop it up with my fat sausage fingers and eat it myself. he he he"
Oh Huey. Australia's answer to Jamie Oliver. The perfect celebrity chef if it wasn't for the fact that he's fat and can't cook. He makes 'talentless' celebrities like Jordan and Britney Spears look positively gifted. Chuckling away, flirting with his pork chops, so wrong and so right all at the same time. He is pretty much the biggest celebrity I've come across in Australia so far.
Devolution...
As these beefed up stick men demonstrate; Australians, wanting to separate themselves from The British have achieved a form of linguistic devolution. Curious.
I have been ashamed of British politics in recent weeks to say the least, to quote my own father “We have a new government headed up by what looks like a couple of public school poofters”.
But imagine how you’d feel if the opposition leader said shit like “I try to be fair dinkum with the Australian people” shame on you Tony Abbott and shame on you Australia for not throwing eggs at him.
This is a picture of Tony Abbott, a kind of hybrid of David Hasselhoff and Mr Bean. I think we might've struck gold here!
Eggplant? In the rest of the world I’m pretty certain eggs are laid by hens. And if you cover an egg in soil and water it as if it were a seed, not much would happen. So I don’t know where the notion of an ‘eggplant’ has come from.
Perhaps, it would have been wiser to adopt the term 'aubergine'?
I'm 25 years old and currently sleep in a single bed. I have a lot of growing up to do. But for now I’m indulging in the best kids duvet sets my limited budget will buy. Feast your eyes on this:
That's my new cardboard boyfriend in bed there, his name's Tarquin. He's a little thinner than I'd like but he'll do for now.
Or ‘crims’ as my housemate Joe likes to call them. I am of course referring to Australia’s heritage. It’s become evident that the population hasn’t yet shed its thieving ways... There is a system of ‘rounding’ here to make up for the lack of 1 cent and 2 cent coins. 
Rounding?!... Practically the same as robbing if you ask me.
I found this marvellous quote online: “Convict women were regarded as low-id, foul mouthed and having no morals” sounds a lot like the sort of women you find walking around St Kilda on a Saturday night. Although, I have to admit they’re probably all Irish. Eh he he!
